I dont flirt on this one. I don't say anything. This can't be aknolwedged or encouraged.

But the feelings are there. It seems like it's mutual. Thank god for restraint, the cultural abyss, and about 7,000 miles.

:(

If regret were a harvest, I'd be the worlds bread basket.

Or the central valley, at least.

Out past ashlan and west

Cold, dark and full of an old lifes lore

We made ourselves students,

Seeking refuge from the world, there.

I woke up one winter night with my feet on the floorboard

of your brothers mustang, as the water dripped in on us

We laughed and lost, and we'd never get that night back,

Oh we laughed and lost and we'd never get that night back

I dreamt one day,

After I dropped off stacks of paper, and textbooks and torches

Over three years, was

Nothing compared to the next five,

Where I forgot what It felt like to be alive.

I dreamt of your room at the bottom of the dingy dollar inn,

and I could have sworn there was something more.

We never mentioned it again,

My lips are still stitched shut,

but sometimes my thoughts drift,

to India and the peace corps and the floods..

The time you tied my bootlaces,

to scarface and dave matthews band..

To the night I spent on your couch, while he was in your bed.

I saw something in the middle of the night,

It was cold, and though I could see my breath...that wasn't it

Rustling through the bushes, crushing unknown stalks.

Silently prowling the hillside under an unlit sky,

Quietly winding our way higher through the altitude,

Avoiding the dim valley lights of other creatures in the night.

We searched for our pilots, how I once searched for you,

And then as the cold seeped into my bones; the way you never think it could,

The way you can never quite get warm,

I knew, I knew,

We'd never find those pilots.

I'd never find you.